Empty Nest, Full Heart: Strategies for Parents in Transition

Whether you're adjusting to the new normal of sending your first child off to college, your middle to the military, or your youngest to their first apartment, you may be surprised at the array of emotions you are experiencing. Certainly, you expected to miss them, but perhaps you or your partner are finding that you're feeling even more sad than expected.

That's because as parents, we're often focused on the firsts in life - your child's first time sleeping through the night, first day of preschool or first-time driving. But, sending your child on to their next step in life is a last. 

Read on to learn strategies for coping through a first-time empty nest.

See also: How to Support Your Child Without Adding Pressure

As a therapist, I remind parents, and myself, as I'm approaching sending my oldest off to college: these feelings don’t mean you’re not happy for your child. It just means you’re human, and your brain and heart are adjusting to a big change. Things will be ok, but it's helpful to have a few coping strategies in your toolbox to get through those first tough weeks.

Coping Strategies for the Empty Nest Phase

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

   Name it. Share with a friend, partner, or therapist. Saying “I’m grieving this change” can be surprisingly freeing.

   
   

2. Keep Connection Alive

   Keep lines of communication open with your child, while also sending the message that they, and you, are prepared for this, that they are able to handle the change well, and you are too.  

   
   

3. Rediscover Yourself

   SO much of the past 18 years (or more!), has revolved around caring for and raising your children. Now is the perfect time to work on getting to know yourself and figuring out your own interests. Take a photography class, join a cycling group, or plan that trip with friends that hasn't made its way out of the group chat.

   
   

4. Strengthen Other Relationships

   Prioritize and invest in adult relationships and connections. 

   
   

5. Give Yourself Permission to Enjoy This Season

   It’s okay to feel both sad and excited. You’ve accomplished the goal of parenting and are now on to the role of supporting a young adult. 

Remember, it takes time to adjust to big life changes. Often parents find their footing in weeks, others in months. If your sadness feels overwhelming or lingers, consider reaching out to a mental health professional — there’s no shame in needing extra support.

Congratulations on getting to this next chapter in your life, enjoy getting to know your child as an adult, and enjoy getting to know yourself again, too!